Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
