Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
