And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
