I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
