oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
