i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
