I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
