Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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