just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
