I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
