wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
where does the pee come out of this thing
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
