I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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