I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
