even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
