i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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