Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
