just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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