If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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