Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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