she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
