Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
