So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
