just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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