the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
