I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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