and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
