Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize