i may or may not be watching the land before time
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
