I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
