Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
