why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
