No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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