omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
