I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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