We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
