He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
