I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
