Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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