that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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