after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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