It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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