remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
