duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
