I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
