Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
