I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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