I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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