yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
