if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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