lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
