Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize