I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
someone owes me an orgasm
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
