2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
