We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
