I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
