This is not my ceiling
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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