Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
