Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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