Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
