i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
