Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
