I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
