let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
