i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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