just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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