You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Your dad touched me again.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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