Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
