Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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