I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
